#1

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home?

Pikiran gue mulai kosong dan masuklah berbagai macam bisikan serta visual aneh yang membuat gue tidak berdaya. Perasaan tertekan menyusup ke sekujur tubuh membuat gue merasa muak terhadap diri gue sendiri...

Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again

All these bastards... They know nothing. I won't do what you tell me! Get the hell out!

Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

Okay
Just a little pinprick
There'll be no more.....
But you may feel a little sick

Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go

Doc, please, just give me some good reasons to stay alive. I hate this world. I hate myself. I couldn't find any good things about myself. Why, doc? Do you really happy to see me in pain? Is this some kind of your entertainment? Am I deserve this?

I hate my job... I hate myself... I feel embarrased... I've never done good things... I hate everything...

Hatred is a very underestimated emotion. I feel like... I am no good at all. Look at those people! They're very happy.

Pills? What are these? They make no sense at all!
Do they make me rich?
Does this darkness have a name?
Tell me, will I be a normal person again? What? It takes time, I know. How long? How soon is now? I want it now!
Hey doc, please tell me that I'm okay. I can't trust you at this moment.
 All these words make no sense at all.
I'm tired.
Can I have a break? Excuse me while I kiss the sky.
A storm inside my head can't be tamed.
Who made all this?
Is it wicked when you smile even though you feel like crying? I could be sick at any time.
I've wasted my youth.
I wanna go somewhere quiet. I hate the sea.
I feel like the water will swallow me alive...dragging me to the abyss and killing me slowly.
My lungs fighting for some air.
Who are these people?
Why are they starring at me? They're pointing at me again.
Why did the leave me? Am I disturbing their atmosphere?
Does this pain have a name?
Why did I do to deserve this?

Teruslah bertanya dan jawabannya tak pernah ada.


There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
I have become comfortably numb

Pada satu titik gue merasa sangat nyaman. Gue melihat dunia dari sudut pandang yang aneh dan sulit dimengerti. Ada beberapa alasan untuk mengakhiri hidup begitu saja karena pada dasarnya hidup buat gue hanyalah penjara untuk jiwa-jiwa yang mengejar ketenangan. Ada perspektif lain yang menyebutkan hidup bukanlah sebuah lomba lari menuju kesempurnaan tapi hidup adalah menikmati setiap proses dengan senang hati.

Buat gue hidup adalah paksaan.

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