I politely asked her about her point of view without discriminating against her: How does it feel? Did you ever encounter any rejection, discrimination, or other bad things?
The virus may live on, but the stigma kills you.
In the small room with a very strong cat scent mixed with tobacco, we are talking about matters of life and death. How a very thin line, an unseen thing may unfold before our eyes and change our lives in a split of a second. I was fascinated by her story. We've seen the deaths of friends before and death is no longer our biggest fear. You know suffering more than I do. I can't relate even to the smallest part of your misery. Maybe if I shut my eyes, your sorrow will be split between us.
Did you ever feel like living in hell? Or maybe hell is the impossibility of reason. Gasping, dying, but somehow still alive. How did you react when you heard about the test? Did you ever think about ending your own life? How did you manage to survive the ordeal?
Art keeps you alive. Art makes you important. You turn your misery, tormented life, and pain into something beautiful, a bit provocative, but honest.
That might not be living, but it sure ain't dying. And dying is what these people have been doing for years. Dying for everyone. I don't believe in another world. This is the only world we have. My body is aching. My mind is a terrible thing to taste. Can't you see? The proof's in the eye. You know when you know. Nobody's gonna get caught red-handed as an evident. Because we don't need one. Being born into this world was a grave mistake. All of us; we are not busy being born; we are busy dying. It's written on the wall: The die has been cast. Do you ever think you're better than the other men? No? Rich in love, poor in gifts. Poor in gifts, rich in love. If that's what justice is, I'd rather be hung in city hall.
Three simple letters that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You will lose your freedom, love, joy, and all the goodness and happiness in this world. Just by those three letters. Four letters and all you know is death. Sometimes, I do believe in higher power whenever I lay my head in bed. I think about what will happen after they put me to rest, six feet under, inside a casket, among the mourners (if there's any!). What I believe is I will be in a non-dimensional white room with no border nor dark and all I can do is wait for the end of the world. The end of time.
Does your condition make you more aware of your religious beliefs? Does it make you closer to God? Does it make you believe in a higher power? I wonder...
There's something running in my blood. You can't see it. It's eating you alive. There you have it. The end. Contagious and deadly. Does it always look like that? Damnation with no relief. I didn't ask for this thing to come to me, neither my friend. All we wanted was to have fun and get away with it. What is it I must do to pay for all my crimes? My life is like a sinking ship, and I know where to jump. Walk the plank, close my eyes, jump into the water, and let me sink. I envy those who can enjoy the world without risk. Those you...let's just say...normal. I had my luck escape. Now I'm a fugitive. I'm running away from the ghosts of my past. Thank you for being such a good friend. Thank you for not being a judgemental son of a bitch.
Life is strange, indeed. You'll never know what the future may bring to you. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's killing you slowly and painfully. Sometimes it's filled with enormous, unlimited joy, where you can always need more and never want it to end so soon.
I wrote my imaginative eulogy. Hell, some folk even wrote me one. Now I realize that nobody's gonna really care about your absence. Life keeps on turning even without your existence. I once had this fear of not creating something pretty while I'm still alive. To this day, I still haven't figured it out what would become of me. I don't know, man...If you read this from above: I envy you. My God, how I want to exchange my place with you. You have...many people who love you so much, purposes, talents, and all the love in this damn world. I have no one. I envy you. You feel no more pain, sorrow, self-loathing, and all the nightmares the world has ignited inside you.
Ecclesiastes 11:19
"Rejoice O young man in thy youth…."